By Maya Chandy
It’s that time again: the lights, the hustle and bustle even as the nights are extra
long and the days feel extra cold. The holidays are frequently referred to as the
“happiest time of the year.” There is essentially a common conception that the time
between Thanksgiving and New Years should be filled with family, friends, and
festive activities.
But this isn’t a reality for everyone, and if you aren’t feeling very festive, you
certainly aren’t alone. Although some folks genuinely love the early winter months,
others simply tolerate them, and then there are those who downright dread the
holidays. In fact, there are a number of valid reasons to explain why your spirits
aren’t quite where you’d like them to be. And recognizing or even discussing
difficulties can alleviate the discomfort you and others are understandably
experiencing.
Common Holiday Stressors
1. Unrealistic Expectations
In light of social media, reality and expectations can drastically differ. Your
Instagram feed is probably full of presents, parties, and vacations, causing you to
wonder why your life doesn’t resemble what you see online. But public holiday
photos rarely capture reality given that people generally share their best or at least
their most aesthetically pleasing moments. Plus, families and traditions naturally
vary, so there isn’t a universally correct way to celebrate. Add family conflict or
distress into the mix, and you have the perfect storm for loneliness, pain, and
depression to brew.
2. Insecurities
Holidays tend to highlight insecurities as friends and family members often come
together and someone will inevitably inquire about things like your career and
romantic relationships, making professional or personal dissatisfaction harder to
set aside. Not to mention, loved ones comment on your appearance, perhaps
sharing their unsolicited opinions on your size or clothing choices, which can
amplify self-doubts. If the pressures of what you felt you’re “supposed to” look,
feel, be like wasn’t amplified enough by everything around you, intrusive loved
ones can have a way of shining light on our greatest insecurities.
3. Health Concerns
Mental and physical health problems don’t stop because the holiday season has
begun, and they can drastically impact how you experience a holiday. Depression,
for example, not only increases fatigue but also makes normally enjoyable activities
unappealing. So the thought of getting dressed up, playing games, or cooking large
meals could sound exhausting if not absolutely grueling in the midst of a
depressive episode.
4. Finances
Gifts, extravagant events, and trips are associated with the holidays, and the urge
to keep up can cause you to spend more than a practical amount, which creates
additional stress. On the other hand, keeping your wallet sealed might lead you to
wonder if you’re missing out.
5. Loneliness
Loneliness often surges during the holidays particularly when you aren’t able to see
loved ones or if you choose to take a step back. This is partly because holidays and
socializing are culturally intertwined, so an otherwise normal degree of loneliness is
heightened for a couple of months.
That said, it’s possible to be around others and still be lonely. Holidays might mean
that you are more likely to find yourself with people you typically avoid, meaning
you don’t necessarily feel connected to those around you. Additionally, staying
mentally present is challenging if you are preoccupied with any of the preceding
stressors. (i.e. finances or health issues) as anxiety takes a substantial amount of
headspace.
How to Cope
1. Redefine Your Expectations
Try not to fixate on preconceived notions about what the holidays are supposed to
look like, and avoid comparing yourexperience to anyone else’s. At the end of the
day, splurging on gifts or decorations isn’t necessary. Lavish vacations and dinners
aren’t the only ways to have a good time.
And you don’t need to be surrounded by friends and family. In fact, there’s nothing
wrong with spending your days off resting at home if that’s what you need most.
Ultimately, to the extent you can, prioritize your needs over perceived obligations.
2. Find Things to Look Forward to
If you aren’t able to pinpoint anything to look forward to, plan a few activities you’ll
enjoy. This doesn’t have to be complicated, time-consuming, or expensive. For
instance, simply reading a good book or indulging in the occasional mug of
peppermint hot chocolate could lift your mood.
3. Set Boundaries
Before visiting relatives who like to offer unsolicited advice or ask invasive
questions, decide what you are open to sharing in advance. Determine what topics
are off the table and, if helpful, come up with a few polite, albeit brief and
uninformative, responses to statements you don’t appreciate.
Then if you are mentally or physically exhausted, stepping back may be in your best
interest. Saying “no” isn’t inherently selfish. On the contrary, taking care of yourself
gives you the capacity to be present and pleasant when you do socialize.
4. Think About Therapy
Reframing expectations, managing your mental health, and setting boundaries are
often easier said than done especially during busier times, so seeking extra support
can make all the difference. Fortunately, the therapists at HavenMHC would be
grateful for the opportunity to help you navigate the holidays, so please reach out
for a free consultation to learn more.
References
Sirota, Marcia. (2015). The Dark Side of the Holiday Season. The Huffington Post.
Yuko, Elizabeth. (2022). Why We Often Feel Lonely During the Holidays—And How to Cope (Especially this Year). Real Simple