Losing a loved one is one of life's most difficult experiences. Coping with grief
presents its own unique challenges and can be overwhelming. Maybe you’re
feeling a deep, relentless sense of sadness, longing, and despair? You may even
know that what you’re experiencing is grief. However, you also know that while
uncomfortable, grief typically becomes more bearable with time, and you are able
to resume your usual activities and responsibilities.
But what if these intense feelings don’t decrease? What if they actually stay the
same, or worse, get more intense with time? What if the impact on your life begins
to feel increasingly out of control? These are indications that you might be dealing
with complex grief. Complex grief symptoms may become increasingly pronounced
over time, which is why recognizing the signs of complex grief in yourself and
others is essential.
What is Complex Grief?
Complex grief involves prolonged, persistent distress following a significant loss.
Basically, this form of
grief is more severe, more prolonged, and influences your ability to function,
therefore impacting your health, relationships, and occupational obligations.
Common symptoms of complex grief include:
Intense feelings of sadness
Rumination over the loss
Extreme focus on OR avoidance of reminders of the loss
A persistent sense of emptiness
Difficulty engaging in previously enjoyable activities
Feeling numb, detached or disconnected from others
Long-term denial or anger
Feeling a loss of meaning or purpose
Suicidal ideations
Relational difficulties
Substance abuse
Insomnia
Fatigue and general malaise
RISK FACTORS FOR COMPLEX GRIEF
A History of Mental Health Challenges
If you already struggle with depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, it can increase
your chances of experiencing complex grief. A history of PTSD or complex trauma
can also increase the likelihood of experiencing complex grief. To illustrate,
depression and grief usually involve sadness, hopelessness and a disinterest in
once pleasurable activities. Not to mention, both can be associated and deeply
intertwined with the layers of pain in losing someone with whom you had a
confusing, painful, or difficult but close relationship. The many layers involved in
such a loss can create an interplay between pain of the past alongside the present
grief, causing a level of pain and discomfort that makes everything about the grief
more complicated.
A Lack of Social Support
An older woman sitting on a chair, by herself and looking out the window.
Human connection is crucial when it comes to moving past loss. Loved ones ideally
offer practical assistance such as cooking meals, and they provide emotional
support by providing opportunities for storytelling, reminiscing, and reflecting on
the loss. Not to mention, loved ones can usually tell when what we are
experiencing seems out of the norm and can help encourage you to seek
professional help. In general, connections are key to maintaining mental health, so
the absence of connection coupled with grief makes you more vulnerable to
psychological distress. The fewer close relationships you have, the more severely
you might feel the impact of losing a loved one.
Narcissistic Relationships
The loss of a complicated relationship often leads to equally complicated grief. For
example, losing a parent can be a painful experience for anyone, but losing a
narcissistic parent tends to be even more difficult. Because narcissistic parents are
preoccupied with themselves and engage in behaviors that harm their children, you
are likely to have mixed feelings like love, anger, relief, and despair when a parent
dies.
Then these ambivalent feelings can cause guilt or confusion, further complicating
your grief. Plus, you probably have multiple things to grieve for: you may, for
instance, not only grieve the loss but also the missed experiences that would have
come with a loving parent. Recognizing how destructive the relationship was can be
a painful reality to face, not to mention the many ways in which it caused issues of
negative self image and difficulty in other areas of your life. The death of a
narcissistic parent could bring up past feelings of shame and inadequacy, meaning
you might have more to process than someone who lost a healthier relationship.
HOW TO COPE WITH COMPLEX GRIEF
Join a Support Group
Connecting with others who are grieving can allow you to feel less alone. It can feel
like a breath of fresh air when you otherwise feel like you’re drawing if you receive
the validation, understanding and empathy from others who actually get it. Support
groups help create an environment where you get these benefits as the people in
your life who haven’t experienced a significant loss may not be able to grasp the
depth or intensity of your pain. Even those who experienced the loss with you may
not understand why or how it is hitting you so differently. Now only do support
groups help you feel more connected, most support groups provide coping
strategies and resources, and equip you with long-term tools that can help you in
your day to day life.
A person’s hand on the back of another person, comforting them.
Take Care of Yourself
Grief takes a toll on your physical health by increasing fatigue, suppressing your
immune system, and heightening your stress response, Therefore, prioritizing
nutrition, rest, and exercise can go a long way.
Paying extra attention to your mental health is just as important as caring for your
body. Given that grief can easily trigger a bout of anxiety or depression, consider
incorporating additional self-care, mindfulness, or meditation into your routine.
Try Bereavement or Grief Counseling
While self-care can make a major difference, sometimes professional help is
necessary. If you are struggling to pull yourself out of a rut, talking to a mental
health professional can help you get back on track as therapy provides a safe space
to express emotions, process loss, and gain new coping tools.
Fortunately, the therapists at HavenMHC are well trained in grief counseling and
would be grateful for the opportunity to be part of your recovery journey. Please
reach out for a free consultation to learn more.
References
Degges-White, Suzanne. (2023). Grieving Twice: Adult Children of Narcissistic
Parents. Psychology Today.
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022). Complicated Grief, Mayo Clinic.