Anxiety. The word is commonplace now. And in our current world, most anyone understands just how you feel if you say you’re a sufferer.
But when it comes to our relationships, we are sometimes a bit less forgiving. Our anxious thoughts and roiling emotions sometimes give way to behavior and reaction that don’t serve our closest connections well.
Perhaps we cling too hard. Maybe we tense up and pull away.
Whatever the case, it’s important to determine if we really understand the toll anxiety takes on our relationships. As worry grows within us and fears mount, it can become increasingly challenging to retain the productive and mutually satisfying connection you and your partner desire. It isn’t easy to stay loving, compassionate, and secure if anxiety isn’t put in its place.
Consider below, how anxiety may interfere with your connection to your partner.
Anxiety may fuel a desire for reassurance that leads to codependence.
When fear and the resulting tension root inside you, an excessive need for support and reassurance can be very unsettling to relationships. Are your nervous energy and racing thoughts disruptive to the way you share and allow your partner to share with you? When you’re away from each other, do you feel too uncertain or insecure to make decisions individually? How often do you pursue your partner seeking direction or wanting ongoing approval?
A constant need to feel “okay” can overwhelm your relationship. Pressuring your partner to be responsible for making you feel safe all the time can strain your bond considerably.
Anxiety can lead to controlling, fixing, rescuing, and/or manipulating your partner.
If you are constantly fearful and upset, your relationship can become mired in either focusing on your fears or a preoccupation with avoiding the source of your worry. Over time, this focus can be exhausting and become manipulative. Inadvertently, anxiety may lead to self-absorbed, controlling, or insensitive behavior as worry provokes you to keep yourself or your relationship safe. This, of course, can lead to resentment.
Anxiety may undermine your longing to connect deeply.
Anxiety often causes loving partners to feel so overwhelmed that they emotionally “check out.” Anxious partners may then isolate or distance themselves to cope.
Although you and your partner crave intimacy, the fear of misunderstanding, rejection, and judgment can compel partners to pull away rather than pull together. Without correction, this just leads to persistent conflict and relationship damage.
So, what’s the answer?
The first step is developing mindfulness around your emotions; becoming more aware of what you are feeling and when you are feeling it. Understanding your emotions will help you to develop the capability to put words to what you’re feeling and communicate it in a way that your partner can receive and understand it. Learning to self-soothe prior to communicating with your partner will also help you avoid falling into the trap of alienating your partner with anger or frustration.
Mindfulness can also be used to practice enjoying and taking in the times when you are enjoying each other’s company. When anxiety overtakes, it can impede presence in moments of connection due to preoccupation with keeping your partner close. Being mindful and allowing yourself to be fully present in the relationship allows you to take in and build on the positivity with your partner rather than worrying about the good times ending or using those moments to share complaints.
How couples counseling can help.
Overcoming anxiety as a team is not easy. Couples often get stuck in a cycle of high emotions with no resolutions. You may need an objective third party to help you both gain perspective. Seek help from a guide with the tools to help you face each other and face your fears optimally.
Sessions with an experienced therapist can help you find ways to cope while being compassionate and honest with each other. We are here to help you build a solid, stable relationship. We also invite you to read more about anxiety treatment and couples therapy.